Do you ever look around at the amount of stuff in your house and just feel buried? I’m referring to that claustrophobic feeling you get when there is literally so much stuff that you don’t even know where to begin to clear clutter and to get your home under control.
It’s a feeling that probably makes you grumpy (okay, make that angry), that makes you want to have a mad house-cleaning and throw away everything, and it leaves you swearing that you’ll never – ever – let your house get in this shape again.
Sound familiar?
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Clutter plagues us all
My house gets like that sometimes and it’s a major source of frustration (which makes me feel frenzied). It’s as if all of the sudden I wake up from a coma and realize, “Holy cow! There is more crap in here than I can stand!” As I look around at the massive amount of stuff I’m left wondering how this stuff got into my house in the first place and who I need to go fuss at for bringing it in. That feeling, by the way, is one of the definite signs you have too much stuff!
And then I realize that the chances are good that I am the culprit.
Oh, there are other culprits too. But I’m not blameless (although I would really like to blame someone else completely!) The thing I find most interesting, though, about the clutter phenomenon is that it’s so easy to get rid of someone else’s clutter, and so hard to clear my own clutter.
When I really start to ask the critical questions to get rid of clutter and to examine my motives for hanging on to things, I find that frequently it’s my own mindset that is sabotaging my efforts to get the stuff in my house under control. Perhaps some of these thoughts are lurking in the back of your mind too.
Clutter Mindset #1: I paid for it
This one always gets me (and likely you too) because it’s hard to admit that I spent money on something that I ended up not wanting. I mean, seriously, how wasteful and silly is that? After all, money doesn’t grow on trees (at least not at my house) and I like to think of myself as sensible and careful with money.
But sometimes, even when something was purchased years ago, it’s still hard to just toss something that I paid my hard-earned money for. The ironic thing is that holding on to the item(s) doesn’t make my money any less gone (after all, you can’t change the past) – it simply cutters up my house and keeps me from enjoying the present. In effect I’m sacrificing my happiness right now because I’d rather not admit that I made a mistake in the past.
Boy, do I need to get rid of that mindset!
Not everything purchased in the past was a mistake, though. Just because we don’t love something right now doesn’t mean that we never got any enjoyment from it. We’re constantly changing – as are our tastes. There comes a time when it’s okay to let something from the past go and give it a chance to be enjoyed by someone else. In fact, cleaning out and donating to a worthy cause is a strategy that most pros will suggest to help motivate you to take action and clear clutter.
Or just get rid of it and let fate determine what happens to it.
Clutter Mindset #2: It’s one of a kind
First off, is it really?
Unless something is handmade or you commissioned it made specifically for you, the odds are that it is not one-of-a-kind. Most of us have homes filled with items that are mass produced – and there is nothing wrong with that. But it also means that your stuff isn’t unique. There’s likely nothing in your home that isn’t found in thousands of other homes just like yours. The question then becomes, “Do I love it?” because the truth is that it’s probably not one of a kind.
And even if it is…so what? Perhaps that wood carving or painting you’ve got IS one of a kind….do you still love it? Would you buy it if you found it today? If not, get rid of it. Just because something is one of a kind doesn’t make it something you need (or want) in your home. I’ve seen some pretty ugly stuff that is one of a kind – and so have you.
Clutter Mindset #3: It’s sentimental
Ahh, these are tough.
Perhaps you’re still hanging on to things because they were given to you by people you loved – perhaps by people who have since passed on. Getting rid of those things can sometimes feel like you’re getting rid of the person. Or that by getting rid of something they gave you, or that you inherited, that you’re saying to the universe, “This person’s stuff isn’t important to me therefore they must not have been important to me.”
Nonsense!
Even if the item IS sentimental – perhaps your Aunt Ethel made that pretty doily just for you – do you still want it? Does it make you happy when you look at it? Does it make you smile? Do you love it?
Now you may smile at the memory of Aunt Ethel and remember how much you loved her….but do you really still want the crochet doily?
Here’s the cold hard truth: Getting rid of something that was (or is) sentimental does not make you a horrible person! Yes, you’re likely to get some naysayers who think you should keep every single sentimental item that you’ve ever been given.
Those people do not live at your house (hopefully). And there’s a name for those people – my hubby calls them “shrine builders”. The attitude that everything is sacred is just not true because things are just things.
If you don’t love something today – and if it doesn’t fit your space, your lifestyle, or your vision for your home – you are under no obligation to keep it. Getting rid of a thing is not a rejection of the emotion you felt for the person.
So along with the stuff, you are also free to let go of the guilt.
Clutter Mindset #4: It fits the space
What is it about space that just beckons to us to fill it up?
I find it odd that we check into a hotel and enjoy the feeling of luxury we get at the uncluttered space.
Or we drool over magazine photos and covet those rooms that look pristine and spacious.
And then what do we do? We fill up every square inch of our own homes with stuff and then wonder why we don’t get that spacious feeling.
Duh! It’s because we filled up all the space! It’s hard for something to feel “spacious” when there is no space.
But if we clear the clutter, then we’ll gain our space back along with that luxurious, spacious feeling.
Funny how that works, isn’t it?
Clutter Mindset #5: It’s “all the rage”
I blame HGTV for this one. I’ll admit that I absolutely love some of the shows on HGTV because I’ve always loved houses and decorating. And I’ve probably got a small girl-crush on Joanna Gaines, but that’s another story.
We watch our favorite designers on TV or see beautiful magazine spreads and trends get started. Before you know it an item is “in” and incorporating it into our own decor feels like we’re keeping our homes from becoming dated and stale looking.
Now there is nothing wrong with incorporating certain trends or fashions in our home. But we’ve also got to realize that today’s trend has a good chance of becoming tomorrow’s regret (see “I paid for it” above). As long as you’re not breaking the bank and you won’t insist on holding on to it after your love for the piece has faded then go ahead. But try to take a little time to determine if you love something because it’s “all the rage” or if you would have loved the item(s) if you’d never seen them anywhere else.
Perhaps we need to ask ourselves this question: If JoAnna didn’t love it, would I?
Clutter Mindset #6: It means “I’ve arrived”
Certain items represent status and that can be a huge hurdle to get over. Again, some honest reflection on your part is required here. Some items may have been highly desirable at one point in your past because you were working so hard to attain them. Their purchase represented a big moment in your life.
But do you need to hang on to the item in order to realize that you’ve achieved something that was important to you? Is a constant, physical reminder necessary to maintain that sense of pride you felt when you acquired it?
There’s nothing wrong with being proud of an achievement or accomplishment. If you’ve worked hard for something then a sense of pride is a deserved. The question is simply whether you still need the physical object in order to remember that you’ve achieved your goal.
Clear clutter to regain control of your home
Do any of these mindsets make it hard for you to clear clutter? They can be difficult to overcome even after you realize they’re influencing you. But facing them makes letting go of the “stuff” easier.
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I retired 2 years ago and just now have begun to declutter our home . I just finished the junk drawer! And….I found things in there I have. No. Idea. What. Their. Uses. Are. I will probably get rid of them after I run it by my hubby. Oh, the sentimental and I paid for it problems..so too true. I sometimes become brutal, getting rid of lots. But I’m starting to go through cabinets and shelves and closets and..I get rid of it!!!
I think most of us have a drawer like that…where things go to die but not be buried. It does feel good to lighten the load though.
Shelley, I put a link to your post about orange chickens to my post using your words. I have all of this mindsets and find it really hard to get past the sentimental one. I had never thought about the fact that something did bring me joy at one point but no longer. Great post.
The sentimental part gets me Shelley but I am improving. I know I need to downsize in the near future so some hard decisions will have to be made. I think we do think much clearer when we aren’t surrounded by clutter. Thanks for you wise advice and sharing with us at #MLSTL. I’ve shared on social media.
The sentimental is the hardest stuff for all of us I think.
I recognize a couple of these excuses – oops! Need to work on that.
#MLSTL visitor (shared on SM)
I think we’ve all used some of these excuses. I know I certainly have.
Its the sentimental stuff that clutters my house (closets and cupboards) often. It’s hard to get rid of things when the people associated with those things are still living – at least for me. I dread the questions when they visit or we just talk on the phone. I’m afraid I’ve gained the reputation of not appreciating family things. Which isn’t true – I value family things – but just the family things that I like. Does that make me a terrible family member? Sorry for the rant – you hit a nerve : )
You’re not a terrible family member! I used to get the same guilt. I was once told flat out that I wasn’t a sentimental person! The truth is that I AM sentimental but not about every little thing. My mother-in-law used to take inventory when she’d visit which just made added to the stress. The fact is that despite the heaping helping of guilt some people like to put on us, you can’t continue to keep an infinite amount of stuff in a finite amount of space. Each of us should be able to decide what we value enough to keep in our homes.
Lori, I’m reading this post & your comment in Jan 2021. Something I’m learning to do with my nieces & nephews & other young adults is to ask what they want as they are the gatekeepers to what comes into their homes. I feel I am being respectful in asking. My grandmother from the depression era, never asked my mom or myself what we wanted she just always had bags of stuff for us when she came to visit. So it is with that experience, that I try to always ask for a wishlist especially since we don’t live in the see each other often. Yes, I feel my grandmother was generous, but she could have also just came with a hug & we would have enjoyed her just the same.
This was a great read! I have the hardest time with the fact that I paid for the stuff. It makes me more mindful now of what I am willing to spend money on!
Hi Vanessa! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bought an outfit that I never wore (or seldom wore) only to feel super guilty about getting rid of it. It was like I thought I’d magically put it on one day and finally love it – which never happened, of course. That old feeling that “I paid for it” has kept things in my house longer than I’d like to admit.
Thanks for sharing! These are great ways to process stuff. It is much more complicated than it seems.
Isn’t that the truth! I find it interesting that some people have a very easy time with “stuff” while others struggle. It’s all complicated.