We’re fast approaching the time of year when our thoughts turn to the holidays (if we’re not already there). But sometimes those thoughts aren’t good ones…especially when we know money is tight and we need to break the news to family that we need to scale back on our holiday spending. Here are some tips for having that Christmas budget conversation with your family or friends.
Most of us aren’t really thrilled to talk about money – especially when our money reserves are nothing to brag about.
But since the holidays usually come with the expectation of increased spending on gifts, food, travel, decorations, etc. It’s a conversation we need to have early with family and friends so that they know what to expect and hopefully, so that they’ll adjust their spending as well.
Know your situation and have a plan
Before you ever approach the Christmas budget conversation you need to have a very clear picture of your financial situation and your budget. Knowing right up front how much you can afford to spend will help when your family member or friend throws out a suggested dollar amount to spend on gifts. If you know that you need to keep your gifts to $10 each while the other person suggests $50 then you’re able to make the counter-offer and explain your situation.
Being able to say with clarity what your budget will allow eliminates the need to be evasive and vague. It’s easier to just state what you can and can’t afford. Doing so also allows the other person to have a clear picture of what to expect so that they can plan accordingly too.
No one really enjoys uncertainty and guessing when it comes to the holidays. Second guessing and asking yourself the “Is this okay?” benefits no one. Most people would likely prefer to just know what’s expected.
I know this conversation can be tricky and unpleasant. One year we were struggling and needed to cut out the gift-giving with some extended family members. My mother was not happy in my direction! But it was what we needed to do for our budget (and therefore, for our mental health).
Suggest alternative solutions/options
When you have the holiday budget conversation, it’s good to have some options already thought out. Instead of just bluntly saying, “We don’t have any money this year,” have some alternate suggestions. You might offer some options to the way you’ve always done things in the past. Giving people options makes it easier to have the budget conversation and it’s always possible that by offering options, you won’t have to reveal your budget status at all.
For example, you might say, “How about we give homemade gifts this year?” Or, “Let’s exchange food gifts instead of buying things.” Throwing some ideas out also has the benefit of letting the other person have some say in how the celebration is altered. And you might be surprised to find that they’ve got some great ideas to celebrate the holidays that are budget friendly (and perhaps even more personal than things you’d buy at the store).
Instead, you might be surprised to discover that family and/or friends are just as open as you are to alternative ways to celebrate and enjoy the holiday.
Know you’re not alone
The hardest part about this conversation is often dealing with the feeling that your lack of funds is a reflection on you as a person.
It’s not.
In fact, you’ve got lots of company in the boat with you…especially lately.
After all, the last few years we’ve dealt with inflation and a pandemic. And both of these factors have affected people’s finances in negative ways. Whether their own employment was affected or whether they were helping a loved one who was impacted, lots of people are still in recovery mode. That means that it’s a good time to approach changes to holiday celebrations because lots of people are in the boat with you (whether they say so or not).
Here’s the deal: our financial situation does not define us. It doesn’t make us better or worse than anyone else. How much we spend on others is not an indication about our feelings about them.
And something to keep in mind – there’s a very good chance that some of your family members of friends are dealing with the same situation. They may be relieved to scale the holiday spending back as well, and they may be uber-relieved that you brought up the topic so they didn’t have to.
Besides, creating and sticking to a holiday budget is a good thing to do regardless of what your financial picture looks like. It keeps you from ending up in debt in January and it makes the whole holiday season more enjoyable knowing that you’re not forfeiting other necessities to pay for everything.
Be prepared for push-back or non-compliance
Okay, time for a reality dose here.
It’s always possible (and with some folks, it’s even probable) that you’re going to have some people who don’t follow through on your agreement to cut the holiday spending. They may tell you that they agree, but then they go ahead and spend more anyway.
And that’s their decision. You can’t control other people, after all.
What you can control, however, is how you let their behavior affect how you feel – either about them or about the holiday. You can always reiterate your feelings and ask that they comply, but ultimately if they choose to spend more then that’s their decision. What you don’t want to do is to let their behavior coerce you into spending more than you should.
Keeping up with the spending behavior of others is a recipe for disaster that you’ll definitely regret later!
You can still enjoy the holidays
Yes, the Christmas budget conversation can be stressful. However, once it’s over you’re probably going to feel tremendously relieved. You know where you stand financially and you have a plan that won’t break the bank.
More for a frenzy-free holiday:
I help older women get past their fear and mindset issues so they can create a plan to pursue their goals and dreams.
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