Have you ever looked around your house and wondered, “Where did all this junk come from?”
The fact is that most of us have too much stuff.
Some of it we bought ourselves.
Some of it was given to us.
Some of it is inherited or because we started yet another collection.
However it comes into our lives, most of us look around one day and ask, “How on earth do I get rid of all this stuff?” If you REALLY want to get rid of clutter, there is one question that will help you see it in a whole new light.
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I’ve had an up-close and personal battle with “stuff” and clutter for quite a while now. You may know that I’ve recently moved back to my hometown and in to my father’s house. My mother was a collector extraordinaire. And she had a lot of beautiful pieces. But that means that I’ve moved MY stuff into a house already stuffed with THEIR stuff!
But you know what makes it even worse?
Added into the mix is the fact that a lot of stuff that belonged to my grandmother is still on the property and needs to be dealt with. In other words, I’m three generations deep in “stuff” because my mother had one of those mindsets that keep you buried in clutter.
Help!
Now before we sold our other house and moved out here I held two garage sales. I’d been working my way through my mother’s “stuff” for a couple of years and knew that in order to move in, we’d have to pare down.
And we did.
Some of the stuff we sold, donated, gave away, and tossed was easy. Some of it wasn’t.
It’s funny how attached we get to our stuff.
Now, you’ve probably seen all kinds of books, blog posts, courses, TV programs, etc. that promise to help you get rid of your clutter. Downsizing seems to be all the rage these days and there are definite signs you have too much stuff. Frankly, I think anything that helps us deal with the stuff in our lives is a good thing.
The problem is that even when you get rid of a lot of stuff, clutter has a way of creeping back into your life when you’re not looking. I know – I’ve been there.
I’d collect stuff, get frustrated, toss, donate, and sell, and then one day I’d open my eyes and my house would be just as full as it was before I did the last big decluttering.
But one day the answer hit me like a bolt of lightning. And I think it’s the question we need to ask ourselves before we bring any more items into our house and as we’re going through belongings we already own.
Here it is….
Ask this question to help you get rid of clutter…
Do I love this item enough to want my children to have to deal with it after I’m dead?
That’s it.
It probably seems pretty harsh. It probably also sounds morbid. I mean, who wants to think about life in terms of what will happen when we’re gone.
But I bet that once you begin to think about your “stuff” as something your kids will have to clean out after you’re gone, you’ll start to think about it in a different light.
The question will force you to really focus on items that bring you joy and that you love.
You see, I’d just returned from a session in which I’d been dealing with my mother’s possessions. I was in the middle of cleaning my own house when it dawned on me that one day my own children would be doing exactly what I’d been doing – going through stuff and trying to figure out what to do with it.
It was crystal clear that I didn’t want them to have to deal with as much stuff as I was dealing with.
Granted, there is a certain amount of stuff in our house that our kids will have to deal with when we’re dead. We can’t live in houses that are totally bare (and we don’t want to).
There is a certain amount of stuff that’s associated with being alive – at least there is if you cook, eat, bathe, and don’t want to sit on the floor. I don’t know anyone who says we have to get rid of everything in order to enjoy our lives.
But there is a limit.
Be thoughtful and intentional about your possessions
My new criteria for bringing items into my home doesn’t imply that we should get rid of every single item we own and live in a house with no furniture, no decoration, and that doesn’t please us. But it does mean asking ourselves the hard questions when the impulse to buy that “gotta have it” item kicks in. Have you ever bought an item that you later regretted and then wondered why you’d wasted the money?
Along the same lines, I’ve gotten pickier about the items I choose to keep. I’m a firm believer that we should quit saving the good stuff for later. If something is important enough to keep, it’s important enough to use and enjoy. That “later” date often never comes and we’ve ended up depriving ourselves of its enjoyment.
If we look at items and think, “Do I want my kids to have to deal with that later?” instead of, “Ooh, I like that”, we’re likely to be more discerning in our purchases. That saves us money, space, and reduces the stress our kids will have to deal with later.
It’s a pretty good gift to give your kids.
Have you had a clutter problem you had to deal with?
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I help older women get past their fear and mindset issues so they can create a plan to pursue their goals and dreams.
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Thanks for this, Shelley. Funnily enough I attended a talk the other day by a senior social worker. Her talk was based on how to organize your paper work later in life. She spoke a lot about getting rid of clutter so our kids wouldn’t have to deal with it one day. Particularly she spoke of PHOTOS – she said how some people left behind them boxes and boxes of unnamed photos. A nation of grumblers
Oh my goodness – I can’t even begin to count how many photos I’ve come across that were of people I had no idea who they were! And I know that’s not unusual. You feel bad to just toss out old photos but when you can’t identify a single person in them they do become useless clutter. Thanks so much for visiting, Shirley.
Hi Shelley,
Clutter is such a problem for me at home and school. I am attached to everything. My husband has a similar problem. I’ll review your tips and see if they help.
Janice
I hope they do. And my school stuff was SO hard to get rid of!
My boyfriend and I combined homes last year and it’s been a struggle! We have books and were under the delusion that we don’t have “clutter” but organized shelves.
Hahahahaha! Little by little we are purging and getting rid of things. Gifting it, getting rid of it and just letting things go.
Books are a definite problem at my house! Hubby and I both LOVE books and are fortunate to have lots of shelves. Every now and then when he starts talking about living in a tiny house I ask him what he’s going to do with all his books (and mine, too). It’s definitely an ongoing process!
I too am a junk collector. The problem I find is that so most of my junk has a sentimental value. Of course my kids would never want it, but I find I am unable to part with my prized t-shirts, photos, and personal stuff because they hold so many memories.
There’s no doubt that it’s hard. That was a problem for my mom – the memories became wrapped up in the objects themselves and it was hard to let go. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was an easy answer?
I think it takes another caregiver to fully understand this thought process. My mother grew up very poor during the depression and collected EVERYTHING and now with her Alzheimer’s everything becomes a collection. We recently moved and I took mom to my cousin for a few days so I could get rid a lot of stuff. Growing up in the 70’s we had more than enough so collecting things never was an issue for me. I’ve always been minimalistic. I think that is one of the main differences between the two generations well three in your case. I don’t want my daughter to have to go through it.
Hi Rena! I agree completely that there is a generational difference when it comes to stuff. I notice in my own kids that they’re very unconcerned with stuff and accumulating possessions holds no appeal to them. I really admire their interest in experiences over things.
My husband and I have moved so frequently in our lives that we rarely have had to deal with a lot of clutter. When my mother in law passed there was little we wanted from their home. Dad insisted we take the china and we did, but then gave it to our son. They seem to like it and that’s all that matters.
It’s great that your son liked and wanted the china. My hubby and I have moved several times too and I definitely think it helps keep things pared down. Thanks for stopping by, Barbara.
It’s a great question except (based on my personal experiences helping an ailing mother in law downsize a couple of years ago with my son’s help) that the simple answer is: no, your children don’t want to deal with anything you own when the time comes.. I know this from the reaction of my in law’s children – they, for the most part, did not want anything that she valued. Not her furniture. Not her dishes. Not even her wedding dress. And ditto for her one grandchild. So guess who has some of her stuff in our house, along with our clutter – us. We managed to sell two pieces. But even the antique and consignment shops don’t want it, and her stuff is not junk. They tell us these things doesn’t sell; that many people my age (64) are in the same overloaded boat. Much of this stuff will probably go to Goodwill (which is where a lot of stuff we couldn’t haul to our house went). And no, I don’t want my son to deal with my stuff. But on the other hand, I don’t want to live in a bare house, either. Although, maybe it would be a good experience.
I had much the same experience – several antique dealers told me that they can hardly move anything these days because younger people don’t want it. It’s an interesting generational difference that I’ve noticed even though it hasn’t always made me happy when I’ve tried to dispose of some items.
That is a great question Shelley and would certainly help with decluttering! Thanks for cohosting and sharing your post with us at #overthemoon link party. I’ve shared on social media.
It certainly cuts to the heart of the matter, doesn’t it? When I began looking at “stuff” that way, it helped me quickly decide what was really important.
I have truly been asking myself something similar for a few months. I really need to get rid of the clutter but it is so very hard. My daughters (grown with their own families) have Rubber Maid boxes of stuff at my house. They are promising to take it very soon. Maybe that will spur me to get busy. Pinning this article.
I feel your pain, Leslie. I’ve got things that belong to my kids because they’re not settled yet in addition to inherited stuff that I’ve got to figure out what to deal with. I’ve also noticed that I tend to get motivated to declutter in spurts. It’s obviously a process. Best of luck as you also work through belongings.
Having spent just few days helping my dad go through his mother’s house I can appreciate this point of view very much! Clutter does seem to have way of multiplying and as much as I try to keep cleaning it out it does seem to find it’s way back in.
It’s always a huge job when you’re going through belongings of a family member. I’m sure your dad was grateful for your help! I still find myself fighting the “stuff” constantly even though I do ask myself the question constantly.
I like the idea of being ‘thoughtful and having intention’ about our possessions Shelley. Sometimes we just accumulate things for the sake of it. Thanks for sharing with us at #overthemoon link party. I’ve pinned and shared.
That’s an excellent question to ask. We’re in the process of decluttering and it’s so hard to know what to keep.
Hi Le! It’s always been hard for me to make the decisions – and apparently I came by that trait naturally. Thanks for stopping by.
Wow, great question! I remember cleaning out my grandfather’s home when he passed away some time ago. It was amazing some of the things we found!
I like the thought of using this question when trying to declutter.
Hi Shannon! I debated whether or not to pose the question quite like this, but it was literally one of those moments when the answer to my own clutter/stuff problem was as clear as day. And no – I don’t want my kids to have to deal with as much stuff as I’ve had to. Now I do enjoy my “stuff” and a nice looking home as much as the next person, but I try to keep it within boundaries. Thanks so much for stopping by.