How many of us know someone who saves the “good stuff” for later? They won’t use it now because it needs to be kept in good shape for some special time that hasn’t arrived yet. Perhaps you’ve done this yourself. Have you deprived yourself of enjoying the moment because you felt that “now” wasn’t special enough?
I’ve seen people who won’t use the good dishes unless it’s a special occasion. You’ve probably known friends who don’t want to “wear out” their favorite item of clothing so they let it stay in their closet. People are often trained to hold back the best things in life so that they can be enjoyed and treasured “later”.
But here’s the problem with that type of thinking: Later is often too late.
Quit Saving the Good Stuff
Right after I graduated from college, my mother and I went to Europe. While we were in Paris, Mom bought several expensive bottles of perfume. These perfumes were not available in the United States (or if they were, they weren’t available in our neck of the woods). She wore the different perfumes at times, but I remember her talking about not wanting to use them up. After all, since she’d bought them in Europe, they were special and she might not ever be able to find them again. Therefore, she kept them back for special occasions.
Now there is nothing wrong with having things that you save for special occasions. But let me continue with the perfume tale.
After my mother died, I was charged with taking care of most of her personal belongings. I remember opening up the drawer in her bathroom where she kept her perfumes and bath accessories. There I found the bottles of perfume she’d bought in Europe that she was so proud of.
What was so sad about it was that most of the bottles were still at least half full.
You won’t be here forever
She’d had these perfumes for years. But there was still so much left that she hadn’t enjoyed because she’d been saving them for a “special” time. Only now she was gone and her perfume was left. It didn’t seem right. She’d spent so much time saving those perfumes, that she didn’t get to fully enjoy them.
And unfortunately, that kind of behavior is all too common.
You can’t imagine the guilt I felt disposing of the perfumes. But they had gotten old enough that the scent had changed and they weren’t scents that anyone in the family wanted. So I donated the ones that were still good and kept a couple of vials of the scents I remember her wearing when I was a kid.
My thought throughout the entire process was, “How sad – the perfumes she loved so much outlasted her.” And I wished that she’d spent more time wearing and enjoying them, and less time worrying about needing to save them for some special time. How much more pleasure and joy would she have experienced if she’d splashed on that lovely fragrance every day?
But I guess my mother came by this trait naturally – she learned it from her own mother.
What do white couches and perfume have in common?
My grandmother was a young woman during the Great Depression. Like most folks her age, this time period influenced her thinking and behavior in many ways.
The thing that comes most to mind, though, is her living room couch. You see, my grandmother bought an expensive couch for her living room back before I was born.
Have I mentioned that the couch was white?
Yes, you read this right. The couch was white… as snow.
Now if my grandmother hadn’t had two kids in her home along with the white couch, that might have been the end of this story. But she did have children – and a white couch. I keep repeating that because it still blows my mind that any mother would bring a white couch into a house with children (this was before slip covers and Scotch Guard). And years later, she had two grandchildren. But what is even more mind-blowing is that the couch STAYED white.
You see, she was very particular about her white couch. Oh, you could sit on it, but there were rules.
- You couldn’t put your feet on it.
- You couldn’t sit on it if you had food or drink in your hands.
- You couldn’t sit on it if your clothes were dirty.
You get the idea.
And as you can imagine, kids hated that couch. My grandmother was a very loving woman. I adored her and she adored her grandchildren. There were plenty of cuddles and wonderful times – just not on the white couch.
Now I’m not advocating that you mistreat things or let them get torn up. I believe that it’s important to take care of our belongings and to teach children to do the same. There’s no reason to raise children to feel that the world, and everything in it, is there for them to destroy. But I do think there is a happy medium. You can go too far in either direction when it comes to stuff.
Things don’t last forever
Years after my grandmother had died and I was moving back to my hometown, it came time to get rid of the couch. And guess what?
It was still white.
And I had that same old sad feeling. Instead of having fond memories of cuddling with my grandmother on that couch, all it meant to me was a reminder that it was “special” and we had to treat it as such.
So as I watch Grandma’s couch being hauled off, that was my feeling. The couch that had once been so special was now outdated. The foam in the cushions was so old that it made a crunchy sound when you sat down on it. But by golly, the covering was still white. Grandma would have been proud.
I , however, could have cried.
The moral of this story is this: things are just things. It’s the people, experiences, and memories that make life special.
So wear the good perfume every day if it makes you happy. Put on the expensive jewelry. Wear your favorite piece of fancy clothing even if you’re not going anyplace special. Eat hamburgers off the good china. Pull out the crystal goblets when you share a bottle of wine with friends. Sit and cuddle on the good furniture. Enjoy the nice things in your life and quit saving them for some ambiguous time in the future that will be “special” – and say NO to things that steal your joy!
Because whether we choose to think about it or not,
today is the only special day we’re promised. today is the most special day you may ever have.
Do you have things you’re saving for some time in the future?
I help older women get past their fear and mindset issues so they can create a plan to pursue their goals and dreams.
Sarah
Right on! I have 4 children ages 9-16. We have hosted tea parties through the years for their friends- as young as age 5. I pull out real China my grandmother gave me (not expensive, but special cuz it was hers) and let the girls use all the cut glass serving plates & bowls, even the crystal creamer and sugar bowl. If anything breaks (though nothing has!) I would rather they arrive at adulthood with only a plate or two of China left and a heart full of sweet memories, than a cupboard full of outdated China. Anytime they ask, they are allowed to use the linens and set a nice table (usually once a month we pull nice things out… even if we’re serving pizza!)
Shelley Merchant
This is interesting because the one thing my daughter said she wanted when my mom passed away was the china tea set that she and Grammy used to use for their tea parties. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that things are only things – their value really lies in how how much they are used and loved. Kudos to you!
Jess
This is an awful habit of mine! I used to save my chocolate bunnies never managing to eat more than the ears before they went back. I have found lollipops and other specials treats from sentimental occasions that I just couldn’t bring myself to eat…Though I do have to say that over the years I’ve come to realize that if I don’t use it I lose it. So I’m getting better we can say.
Shelley Merchant
It is all a process, isn’t it? I do have to admit though, that not eating my chocolate bunnies has never been a problem for me – although I wish it was LOL! Thanks so much for visiting today.
Laurie Stone
Such great advice. So many of us live in the future when the present is where real life lies. Love this and will keep it as a reminder.
Shelley Merchant
Thanks, Laurie. I’m glad you stopped by.
Nancy
You are describing my own mother perfectly. The only difference is that she is still alive and instead of her saving her perfume for a special occasion, she has actually boxed it up, along with a few other ‘special’ things, and given it to me! She had a fire in her apartment a few years ago, so she doesn’t feel comfortable keeping her special box with her, so she sent it to me for safe keeping. Rather than wait until she passes away, I decided to take a peek inside the box, just to see what was in it. Lo and behold, there are 4 unopened boxes of expensive perfume in there! She stocked up years ago and now they are in a ‘special place’. Also in that box are framed photos that I gave her of my children, and some knitted items that I made for her when I first learned to knit (again, years ago). She lives on the other side of the country from me, so I had no idea these things weren’t on display in her home. When I asked her why they were in this box that she shipped to me, she said they were too special to use or display (she smokes, and didn’t want some of the items to get smokey). Very sad.
This is a great post, and a great reminder!
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Oh, Nancy, that just breaks my heart! We had a house fire years ago so I understand why that makes her nervous, but how sad to just box up the treasures and ship them away. It’s funny the different reactions people have to similar events. As I was standing on the curb across the street from our house my only thought was that I didn’t care one bit about the stuff inside because my family was all out safe and sound. I’m all about cutting down on the amount of stuff in our homes, but I’m also a big proponent of keeping, using, and enjoying the things that are special. I am so sorry about the situation.
Barbara Radisavljevic
This hit a nerve. I have two sets of special China that I inherited from my mother-in-law, and so far have only used one, and only when we have company or on special occasions. Now we have few special occasions. Such a waste. The main reason I don’t use them is that they aren’t safe in the dishwasher and or the microwave.
Our lifestyle is pretty informal. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen my silver flatware. We only used to use it on holidays with the family and now none of those celebrations are at our house. I am just as happy with stainless steel since it’s easier to care for.
It’s the people in my life who are special — not the things. I have no one to pass the special things to anymore. The special things serve just to remind me of those that passed them on to me.
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I go ahead and put the china with the gold rim in the dishwasher and if it washes off, I figure that at least it was being used and my grandmother remembered. But it took a real mind shift to get to that point. I think the informal lifestyle that we – and our kids – have adopted has made us less likely to feel like we have to save stuff for “special” times, which is a good thing in my opinion. Occasionally I’ll hear a comment about “your grandmother would turn over in her grave” over some things. But I figure she’d prefer to be remembered and her pretty things enjoyed by people who loved her rather than just packing them in a box for someone to throw away later.
Tina Tucker
the key to saving the gold or silver edge on your good china, if you wash it in the dishwasher is to crack ope the dishwasher door once your dishwasher reaches the dry cycle. I learned this from my former mother-in-law who worked for Royal Dalton China.
Shelley Merchant
Great to know! Thanks, Tina.
Carol ("Mimi")
So true, Shelley! . . . and such a sad dilemma. Last fall, when my 97-year-old mother’s health was declining sharply, I began to spend all day, everyday with her in her assisted living apartment (she needed more assistance than the staff could give). One morning, I took a lovely embroidered, white nightgown out of her dresser drawer for her to put on. She said, “Oh, that one’s too nice. I’m saving it in case I need to go to the hospital.” So, we settled on an older, plainer nightgown. Well — within 6 weeks, she had passed away, and I gave the barely-worn, embroidered, white nightgown to Goodwill. I hope someone is using it and enjoying it in good health, now. My mom was a child during the Depression and a young adult during WWII, and I know those experiences left deep impressions. I sometimes feel guilty about how spoiled my generation (baby boomers) was. Like you, I plan to use everything I have and to enjoy it.
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First off, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom! I lost my mom 5 years ago and it’s a hard thing. Your illustration just makes me so sad. I suspect we’ve all witnessed something similar and have probably been guilty of it ourselves. I used to be more inclined to save things for “later” too. Getting rid of that perfume changed my perspective in an instant. I figure all I can do at this point is model a different behavior for my own daughter – and to keep her from a similar experience.
Leah
I think the attitude of using the good stuff is becoming more and more common and I agree that it should. That said, there are things in my cupboards that almost never see the light of day…hmm.
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I think it’s a good thing too. Thanks for stopping by.
Roxanne Jones
Oh, this is SUCH an important reminder! I’m going to start using my “good” silver every day–I get no enjoyment out of it sitting in a drawer. And my hunch is that if I use it regularly, it won’t need polishing as often, either! Great post!
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Thank you, Roxanne! I appreciate that. I inherited china from my grandmother and I use it all the time. If the gold rim washes away, so be it. It will have been washed away because we were using it and thinking of her. Besides, every meal you get to enjoy is worthy of the good silver!
Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond
Such a great message Shelley. I’ve been guilty of keeping things for later and I know my MIL has cupboards full of unused items. I agree we need to start using and enjoying them now because ‘one day’ may never come.
Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond
http://www.sizzlingtowardssixty.com.au
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I plan on using, wearing, and enjoying every darn thing I own! When I’m dead my daughter can toss it out knowing I got every ounce of enjoyment out of it that I could.
Haralee
I agree with you! I inherited lots of silver platters. I don’t entertain that much and I am willing to polish the silver but… I use them under my coffee pot, under plants in the dining and living room and on the kitchen counter to corral spices. The point is I use them and they are out on display. Not what they were intended for but getting used and appreciated!
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I took some silver platters I inherited and put Command hooks on the back and hung them on the dining room wall in the house we were living in. I enjoyed them, they looked nice, and they were used. I was never going to be serving cookies and tea cakes off them so this was a way to enjoy them. I think it’s great to give items a new use!
Carla
This used to be entirely me. I saved everything because I was afraid of ruining it because I loved it so much. And then I would say for so long I never end up enjoying. It was crazy. Suddenly last summer I decided no more. I announced to my then 10-year-old we were using every damn thing all the damn time 🙂 I created a call and response. I’d ask her: are we saving this for a special occasion? She would respond no. I would ask her why and she would shout: because life is a special this used to be entirely me. I saved everything because I was afraid of ruining it because I loved it so much. And then I would say for so long I never end up enjoying. It was crazy. Suddenly last summer I decided no more. I announced to my then 10-year-old we were using every damn thing all the damn time 🙂 I created a call and response. I’d ask her: are we saving this for a special occasion? She would respond no. I would ask her why and she would shout: because life is a special occasion!!
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I love it! And you’re absolutely right, Carla. Life is a special occasion!
Danielle Bernock
Great article! My favorite line: The moral of this story is this: things are just things. It’s the people, experiences, and memories that make life special.
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Thanks, Danielle! We had a house fire years ago and I remember a moment of clarity as I was standing outside – it was that even if every single thing was lost, the important things remained. Everyone I loved was out of the house and that was all that mattered. I did worry about having to go to Walmart in my pajamas though, but that’s a different story. Thanks so much for stopping by.