Have you ever looked up and noticed how many things there are in your life that you don’t even like? Somehow they just appeared without you making a conscious decision to let them in. I call them “orange chickens” and you don’t have to keep them – especially if they’re stealing your joy.
What is an “orange chicken” and how does it steal your joy?
After my grandmother’s funeral I was helping my mom clear items from the house. As my mother was taking items off a set of bookshelves, she came upon a pair of garish ceramic orange chickens that has been displayed on the shelves for as long as I had been alive.
“Your grandmother never did like these orange chickens,” she told me as she took them off the shelf.
“They’re ugly,” I replied. “Why on Earth did she put them out if she didn’t like them?” I asked.
“Because Aunt Nell gave them to her as a housewarming gift when she and Daddy moved into this house in 1946,” my mother stated. “She always felt that you were obligated to display a gift that you were given, especially if a relative or close friend had given it to you”.
My grandmother lived in an immaculately kept home with pale pink walls and carpet, a white couch, and beautiful crushed red velvet wing back chairs. She displayed delicate figurines of Pinky and Blue Boy and her tastes ran toward French provincial furnishings. The orange chickens obviously were not to her taste.
With that stated, my mother promptly threw the hideous chicken figurines in the garbage. What a pity that my grandmother hadn’t done the same years ago instead of feeling obliged to live with items that did not please her.
Improving your life is up to you
How many of us live with orange chickens of our own? Think about the things that deplete you. Think about the demands placed upon you by other people. How often do you end up doing things out of obligation rather than enjoyment? An orange chicken can be an object, an obligation, or unfortunately, even a person.
We often find that orange chickens have managed to sneak into our lives without our conscious realization. Frequently, we find that we’ve got an obligation or task that we never asked for and didn’t choose to take on.
For example, years ago my mother taught Vacation Bible School one summer. While this is a worthy thing to do, my mother did not enjoy it. Planning activities and lessons for kids just was not her strong suit. She was, however, an excellent musician.
The next year when she was asked to teach a class, she politely refused but offered instead to be the pianist and to donate snacks instead. This ended up working nicely for everyone. She had a talent she enjoyed sharing and Vacation Bible School was now something she looked forward to participating in rather than one she dreaded.
Many women struggle with the need to please. It starts in childhood when we are taught to be good girls and follow rules. We are taught not to question, to do for others and obey authority. This type of upbringing creates followers who have difficulty expressing their own needs and desires.
Don’t let others dictate your life!
Whenever we settle for things in our homes or in our lives that do not suit who we are or who we would like to be, or when we take on tasks we dread or for which we are ill-suited, we are showing the world that our wishes and desires are less important than those of others. Can we expect those around us to value our preferences if we do not? And can those of us who were brought up to be considerate and self-sacrificing break out of the mold of putting ourselves last? Perhaps the biggest question is one of how to simultaneously care for others while not ignoring our own needs.
Setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs does not make you a selfish person. But it does require that you make conscious choices about what you’re going to let into your life and what you’re going to refuse.
How Orange Chickens creep into our lives:
How do we end up with orange chickens? It’s been said that we teach others how they should treat us. If that’s true (and I believe it is) then the following may be things we’re subconsciously doing that are filling our lives with Orange Chickens.
- We choose to ignore Orange Chickens.
- We pretend to others that we like Orange Chickens.
- We convince ourselves that we really do like Orange Chickens.
- Other people convince us that we like Orange Chickens.
- We encourage people to give us more Orange Chickens rather than hurt their feelings.
- We hold on to Orange Chickens until “we have “something better”.
- We feel like we deserve Orange Chickens.
Unless you’re just a fan or orange chickens (and no disrespect meant to those who are fans!), there is nothing wrong with drawing boundaries and setting personal limits. It can be done without sacrificing the needs of others. Perhaps it also means throwing orange chickens in the trash.
So, do you have some orange chickens that you need to get rid of?
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What an EXCELLENT post! I cringed through most of it, thinking of how many Orange Chickens I have in my own life and how much I should have tossed long ago. Gotta run….I’m on an Orange Chicken destruction mission now. Thank you!!
Thank you, Trisha! I’d love to admit that all my Orange Chickens are gone but I think it’s a continual process to keep those chickens away.
This is a great read for those of us coping with multiple orange chickens in our life! Just what we need to hear sometimes and I’m a work in progress 🙂
I think most of us are a work in progress in this area. Thanks for stopping by.
I have read this before and I am in the process of getting rid of some of my orange chickens. I hang onto some many things and accept things just so feelings don’t get hurt. It is a had process to change this habit.
I love this story and the message behind it. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Michele – I’m so glad you stopped by!
I remember reading this post before and thinking about all the orange chickens in my life. Now as I read it, I think I’m throwing those chickens in the bin – one at a time and more slowly than I should, but they’re gradually disappearing. I’m learning the fine art of saying No and setting boundaries – why didn’t I learn that 30 years ago? Still it’s never too late and those chickens are all going one by one. Love this post Shelley!
Thanks for linking up with us at #MLSTL and I’ve shared this on my SM xx
Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au
I’ve asked myself the same questions, Leanne. I’m glad to hear that your orange chickens are disappearing – better late than never!
Hi Shelley! Great to have you join us for Midlife Share the Love Party! So often we steal our own joy don’t we, because we don’t want to hurt others or we don’t like change. I think that the next generation have a different attitude and are definitely more aware of what they want in life, even if others don’t agree. Have a wonderful week and look forward to you joining us next Wednesday for another #MLSTL!
Hey Sue! I know my daughter is MUCH better at drawing her boundaries than I was which makes me very happy. I don’t wish “orange chicken” on anyone!
Other people’s rules and times!! It can be so refreshing to run our own race about what we do but for some people, the ingrained habits and teachings remain. Good topic to post which I found via the link up called #MLSTL
Denyse
Thanks so much for stopping by, Denyse!
I love this post! My 87 year old mother tries to make me feel guilty because I don’t want to keep all her sentimental junk. It is because it’s JUNK. I’ve been decluttering my home and life this year! It is my goal to get rid of stuff I don’t love.
Hi Karen! I totally feel your pain with your mom and her stuff. I’ve found that stuff like furniture, china, crystal, silver, etc – you can hardly get rid of the stuff once you have it! No one wants that stuff these days and it’s really difficult to unload it. I contacted several antique stores and they didn’t want the stuff either because the market just isn’t there. You’re smart to not get suckered in!!!
Thank you for the reminder to get rid of the “orange chickens”. I have been trying to do that in my life lately! It makes me feel so much better getting rid of all the things that are holding me back, & are negative in my life!
It’s funny how things that sometimes start off as cute little fluffy chickies grow up into nasty orange chickens, isn’t it? The same with obligations, possessions, and expectations. The sooner we get rid of them the better!
OMG I love this and can totally relate! The good news is that I stopped keeping the orange chickens around once I became an empty nester.
Orange chickens tend to come with a backstory–a story that’s the real joy-stealer. I’ve got a small ceramic butterfly that my mother gave me after I got married. She told me it was a wedding gift to me from my brother–but, of course, it wasn’t from him. He rarely gave his sister a second or even first thought. I could care less whether or not he gave me a gift but every time I see it on my bookshelf, it reminds me of how terribly sad it was for my mother to have to acknowledge some truths about her son.
orange chickens don’t just sit and stare at us. they also come with a back story that doubles down on the joy-stealing. I’ve got a ceramic butterfly that my mother gave me, telling me it was a wedding gift from my brother who clearly had not thought to give me one. it sits there on my shelf and reminds me of the pain my mother felt and tried to correct–and how awful both the butterfly and the struggle behind it were. I should dump it–before my kids have to do it for me.
You are so right about the back story! Things like that steal our joy and just make us feel bad. Your mom obviously wanted you to feel honored with a gift on the occasion: that’s important – the object is not. Thank you for sharing your experience with me.
You share sound advice. When we can avoid things that steal joy, or just do not add to the enjoyment of life, we should definitely try to avoid them.
If we don’t take steps to get rid of the joy-stealers, who will? Thanks for visiting.
I enjoyed reading about orange chickens and agree with you on sorting out what’s important in our lives. Great to join in from Bloggers Pit Stop.
Debbie
Thanks, Debbie – I’m glad you stopped by to visit!
Shelly, this sounds like a post we can all identify with. Let’s feature it on the Blogger’s Pit Stop and hopefully, more people will read it and have chicken hunts too.
Kathleen
Blogger’s Pit Stop
Thank you, Kathleen! And I live the idea of a chicken hunt – I can visualize feathers flying!
Yes -I can think of two right now that I am getting rid of – they are obligations that I don’t enjoy and even feel negatively about! Getting ride of them now!
Good for you, Cathy! Tossing orange chickens feels awesome.
This is such a well written well thought out post. The image of an orange chicken is super easy to remember as a memory flag as well. I think we all have orange chickens and thank you for the well written reminder.
I can tell you honestly, Leanna, that I can still picture those orange chickens from my grandmother’s shelves as clearly as if they were right in front of me.
I have a lot of “orange chickens” now that my children are grown. Somehow I became the family keeper as older family members passed. I am slowly working on letting my chickens go. Letting them find new homes that will love them. Great article and thanks for the tips. Here’s to no more orange chickens!
Hi Evelyn! I like that image of letting the chickens find new homes where they’ll be loved – it’s perfect.
Very thought provoking I like, “Don’t let others dictate your life.
Hi Betty! That one is sometimes the hardest one for me because it’s so easy to look up and realize that you’re given others too much control over your life because you were trying to be “nice”. I’m glad you stopped by.
I love your list of the ways we subconsciously bring orange chickens into our lives. The older I get, the better I am at setting boundaries for myself. So happy to share this post with others – we all need the reminder!
Thanks, Michelle! And I appreciate all shares – this is a topic that’s very close to my heart.
Wow. Wonderful post and you’ve made me re-evaluate the orange chickens in my life. Really loved this.
We’ve all got them, don’t we?
Hi Shelley. I learned this lesson very early on. When my in-laws arrived to see our brand new house, from the window I could see my mother-in-law carrying a cupid with a fern shooting out of its head, plastic of course. I made a decision right them to ask if I could return it, as it clashed with my then very meek and kinda modern furniture. She agreed. Otherwise I would have had to drag the thing out every time she visited. Instead I created a lovely arrangement of dried flowers (very 70s) and she loved it.
I am impressed! Sometimes it’s the mothers-in-law who are the hardest to deal with because that can be an already tense situation. You’re my hero!
This is something my grandmother would have said – great share.
I love the things our grandmothers said!
This is great! A wonderful analogy for teaching such an important lesson. I’m such a slow learner on this. Thanks for the reminder! 🙂
http://www.meinthemiddlewrites.com
It’s not that any of us are slow learners – but stuff and obligations have a way of sneaking in and taking root before we even notice. Funny how some of those things become unconsciously accepted as “just the way it is”.
Clever post, Shelley! Yes, I confess to having a few orange chickens in my home. Time for a chicken hunt! Thanks for the prompt. The results of last week’s survey
I love calling it a chicken hunt! I can see feathers flying now. Thanks for stopping by, Shirley
Another fabulous post Shelley I just love your writing and ideas. I certainly identify with accepting orange chickens because I don’t want to hurt others. Then I end up unhappy or dissatisfied in life. Some great points here and thanks for sharing at #overthemoon. I’ve pinned and tweeted.
Hi Sue! I’ve still got a few Orange Chickens in my life too but I’m working on them. I think it’s probably a continual basis to keep those ugly creatures from strutting back in and taking over the yard.