Have you ever been frustrated because it felt like men have always been supported in their dreams and goals while you have…not?
Now, it may be the old feminist in me but it seems pretty obvious that women have not had the same support for their goals and dreams that men have had. All I’ve had to do is look around and I find plenty of examples that have informed my opinion.
And if you’re an older woman…you definitely haven’t had the same level of support…if you had any at all.
However, IF you have ever wondered if there were things that you could have done or that you wanted to do, this may be your best (and possibly last) opportunity to do so.
Now I happen to be of the opinion that older women NEED goals and that there are many benefits for us when we pursue them.
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Goals Give Us Purpose
The first reason we older women need goals is that they give us purpose.
There may be some ideas or dreams that have been in the back of your mind for ages.
But at some point, they got put on the back burner. Life got in the way. You got busy. Other things took priority.
You told yourself you’d do them “later.”
Well, later is finally here and it’s time to get busy!
Now is the perfect time to set your goals and start doing those things that have been rolling around in the back of your head for ages.
Others don’t have to understand the importance of something in order for it to be important to you. You don’t need the permission of others to finally do something you’ve always thought about.
Having something that’s important to us gives us a reason to get up in the morning. It gives us something to look forward to.
It also provides structure to our day and can help give us an agenda or a road map of things we want to get done.
Yes, it will require work.
It will require planning.
It will require that you are purposeful in the way you spend your time.
But that’s kind of the whole point, right?
Spending our time on activities that are personally meaningful to us keeps us from sleepwalking through our days.
And those goals you set and work towards benefit not only you, but have the potential to benefit others as well.
Goals Help Us Remain Engaged & Interested In Life
I’ve known older women who were just going through the motions. Phoning it in, so to speak.
But there was no real spark or interest in daily life – each day was just something to get through rather than to be relished.
Now, I’m not discounting or trivializing the impact that time, loss, and/or infirmity can take on us. I deal with some of these myself on a daily basis. And they’re tough to deal with.
Setting new goals and having a purpose gives those of us who are older something to look forward to and to work towards. It keeps us engaged and focused on the present while also eyeing the future.
And even if our circumstances aren’t ideal, knowing that we’ve got a purpose helps keep us interested in life and moving forward.
It’s hard to move forward if we’re constantly glancing backwards.
Working Towards Our Goals Keeps Us Vital
Perhaps you’ve noticed in your own life that when you’re looking forward to something, there’s a buzz of excitement that you feel.
Much like a child feels when they’re looking forward to Christmas or their birthday.
In fact, this buzz can be almost palpable. Others are likely to pick up on it too.
And that’s because when we’re working towards something, there is an energy that surrounds us. Motivation itself is a type of energy.
And if we stop to think about it, energy is the opposite of stagnation. That makes energy a critical component of remaining vital (which I think helps keep us young).
Besides, it’s nearly impossible to be actively working towards achieving something while having a “woe is me” attitude.
Goals Keep You From Getting Into A Rut
A 4th reason older women need goals is that it can be very easy for us to settle into a rut and do the same old thing day after day.
This leads to boredom and boredom increases the likelihood that we’ll fall into a rut…possibly without even realizing it.
How many things have you noticed that you do on autopilot or that you default to something familiar and comfortable?
I’ll admit that I’ve been guilty of this one.
I’ve served the same meal over and over. Or I’ve defaulted to something simple like sandwiches because I couldn’t think of anything else (that was easy) to prepare.
I’ve even noticed it in my clothing.
One day a few years ago my daughter was helping me clean out my closet and she began to laugh and look at me funny as she asked me, “Mom, do you know how many black sweaters you have?” (it was too many).
I’d fallen into a rut without even realizing it and it took someone else to point it out to me.
I obviously needed the goal of diversifying my wardrobe choices!
There are all kinds of ruts older women can fall into. The ones above are just a couple of examples from my own life.
Also, having new things to do helps keep you from becoming the person everyone else dumps on.
This is pretty common. People tend to assume that if you don’t have other things to do that you’re happy to do things for them…things that they most likely should be doing for themselves. Funny how they more frequently make that assumption about a woman than about a man.
Just because you’re older (and a woman) doesn’t mean that you should become a maid, secretary, and assistant to everyone else.
Fill your days with your own projects and activities? Don’t let others set the agenda for you.
To prevent getting into a rut, don’t be the person who does everything for everyone else.
You don’t need to become the person that everyone else dumps on b/c you’ve “got time”.
Having Goals Of Your Own Helps Preserve Your Identity
I’m sure you’ve at one point been introduced according to your relationship with someone else.
A mom friend introduces you as, “Susie’s grandmother.”
You’re introduced as, “Joe’s wife” at a business function.
While this may not bother you, you’re not just Joe’s wife or Susie’s grandmother. I’m not saying those things are bad, but you’re MORE than just someone’s wife or mother or grandmother.
It’s really easy for older women to fade into the background. But when you have goals you’re working on you become the woman who’s writing a book, or the woman who’s started a business or the woman who …whatever.
While we love the people in our life, it’s good for us to have our own identity and as older women it is necessary to keep us from fading off into the woodwork.
Working towards new goals helps increase our self esteem. It bolsters our confidence. And it will also help us deal with the inevitable changes that come with time.
Having Your Own Goals & Dreams Relieves The Pressure On Others
Have you ever known someone who put undue pressure on others to entertain them or to keep them occupied and happy?
Honestly, they can be difficult to be around because they’re demanding.
And the sad thing is that the people they love most may react by pulling away somewhat because the demands may just be too much.
These people are generally bored and are unable to find ways to keep themselves entertained and busy and it comes out as demanding time and attention from others – especially family members.
So another benefit that older women get from setting and pursuing goals is that it helps keep us from becoming a burden on others…especially our kids. Instead of needing others to find ways to entertain us, we’re busy working to “do our own thing” and won’t be relying on others to create a life for us.
Here’s a truth: no one else can “make us happy” or give our life meaning. It’s unfair to expect it of anyone else and honestly, those things are an inside job.
How much happier we – and our loved ones – will be if we simply enjoy our relationships without putting additional unrealistic pressure on them.
Pursuing Goals Helps Prevent Arthritic Thinking
You’ve been around arthritic thinkers – they’re the ones who act like having a new thought is painful.
And frankly, they can be difficult to be around because they tend to be downers.
However, As you’re pursuing goals, you’re most likely learning new things and developing new skills.
So those goals you’re pursuing, they’re helping your brain…and probably your disposition to be honest.
They’re the ones who are rigid and totally closed off to new ideas and ways of doing things.
Conclusion
Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re done. Life isn’t over at a certain age and having a certain number of candles on our birthday cake doesn’t mean there aren’t new things to do, learn, and experience.
Creating and working towards new goals is the best antidote I know of to keep us young at heart and looking forward to the future.
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I’m a retired educator, mom of three adult children, cancer warrior, sandwich generation member, and lover of life!
I help older women create & live a life they love through radical self acceptance, unapologetic goal pursuit, and relishing the joys of home.
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