Ever had one of those days when everything went wrong?
You headed to an appointment only to discover that the car needed gas. Or when you were getting ready to attend an important function, you found that the outfit you intended to wear was in the laundry hamper.
Or perhaps the toilet began overflowing…again…and you couldn’t find a plunger to deal with the problem.
We’ve all been there at one point or another so don’t feel like you’re alone. You’ve got lots of company.
And when these events – or days – happen, we often tell ourselves that they’re unavoidable. Things are just going to go wrong at the worst time.
And there IS an element of truth to that statement, but it overlooks the fact that many of those “unavoidable” things that happen, can actually be anticipated.
The point is, there are ten common ways in which we (unwillingly) may be causing some of our own frenzy.
And I hate frenzy!
Prefer To Watch?
1: You Don’t Plan Ahead
For example, it’s inevitable that at some point you’ll have a sick child on the day of an important meeting at work.
At some point, there will be plumbing issues at your house. Either with an overflowing toilet, washing machine, dishwasher, or something else that causes a major heacache.
Constantly putting things off “till later” simply guarantees that “later” is going to rear up and bite you eventually.
You see, lots of those random and seemingly “unavoidable” events, can reasonably be assumed to occur at some point.
The only difference in whether they’ll cause you serious problems or simply be just a hiccup in your day, is the extent of your anticipation prior planning.
This is where having systems in place helps us deal with the disruptions that are going to occur.
If there’s a system for laundry, we won’t find ourselves in a bind at the last minute with an outfit not being ready.
If there’s a system in place for meals, we won’t be resorting to takeout or breakfast cereal for dinner…again.
If we’ve anticipated plumbing issues and have ready access to plungers and know how to turn off water, we’re less likely to have flooding issues.
The trick is simply to spend a little time going through your day and your house, and thinking about all of the things that could go wrong, and coming up with a plan to deal with them when they do.
- know who’s going to take care of sick children when you can’t
- teach everyone how to cut off water at the source
- have plungers by every toilet
- plan meals each week
- don’t let the gas tank get to “eek” before you fill it back up
- have backups of important digital files and documents
- keep important papers in a locked, fireproof safe or box
- keep devices charges so you don’t get caught in an emergency with no battery
2: You’re A Worry Wart
Are you one of those people who spends all night tossing and turning because you’ve got too many worries on your mind?
Perhaps you’re worried about your finances, or a loved one’s health.
These are certainly legitimate concerns and most of us worry about them to some extent at one point or another.
But here’s how you can tell if you’re a worry wart: you ONLY worry and don’t take action.
Yes, you read that right. It’s one thing to be concerned about an issue, but unless you choose to take some action to remedy it, you’ve just wasted your mental and emotional energy (and probably gained some pretty big bags under your eyes as well).
The next time something upsetting crosses your mind, take a few minutes to look at it as unemotionally as you can. Yes, I know it’s hard. But think about possible causes of the problem and some ways in which you might solve it.
And then most importantly, decide what you’re actually going to DO about the situation and make a plan for it.
That might look like creating a stricter budget or planning meals that will help lower blood sugar.
Granted, neither of these is going to make a problem immediately disappear, but they’re good first steps and more importantly…they put you back in control. It’s always better to act than to react.
And trust me, you’ll feel better knowing that you’re doing something about the problem.
3: You’re A Control Freak
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m right there in this group. I like knowing what’s coming and I like being in charge…always have.
It’s been a long joke my hubby likes to make that I’d like to be in charge of God’s day planner so that I could control the way things go. And unfortunately, he was right. I did want to be in charge of the universe because at least that way I wouldn’t get caught off guard.
However, I’ve finally learned that the universe is bigger than me.
It was probably the cancer diagnosis I got in 2021, but it finally dawned on me that I’m not in control of everything. Now I’m not saying that I like that fact, but I’ve learned to accept it. And my life is a lot easier now that I’ve learned not to be so uptight about everything that goes on.
Rolling with it is a lot less frustrating than being upset that things didn’t go your way.
4: You Don’t Ask For Help
If you’re a woman then I’m pretty confident that you’ve done this.
You don’t ask for help with the house because you either feel like it’s all your responsibility (early programming there), or that no one else will do it the way you want, or you secretly take pride in doing everything (even when you complain how it’s all up to you).
You may even subconsciously drive away help that is offered. If you follow along behind your “helper” redoing everything they’ve just done, how likely do you think it is that they’re going to be anxious to help you again?
None of us like to feel like our efforts are unappreciated or that we’re doing something the “wrong” way. But that’s exactly what you’re telling people when you redo things they’ve done because they didn’t do it your way.
The question we need to ask ourselves is this: Do I want help? Or do I want it done my way?
Because you may not be able to get both. Make your choice and live with it.
5: You’ve Got Superwoman Syndrome
I admit that sometimes I wish I was Superwoman. How cool would it be to fly, right?
But too many of us think that we’re capable of handling more than we really can…or at least more than we should.
As a result, we cope and work and do things until we feel like a frazzled mess. Or until we get sick (ask me how I know). And then we have no choice but to either let some things go or to accept the help we needed all along.
Superwoman doesn’t exist in real life. And even if she does, I bet she has sense enough to tell Superman that he’s got responsibilities too.
6: You Engage In Magical Thinking
Magical thinking is when you mistakenly assume that things will be fine. Problems or obstacles won’t arise. Things won’t go wrong. Life will proceed perfectly according to your wishes and plans.
Unless you’ve got a magic wand or a genie, this kind of thinking is nonsense.
Life is made up of obstacles. There are always roadblocks and problems that are going to surface. We’re better off accepting that reality and being prepared to do the very “muggle” work of dealing with reality instead of wishing for something that isn’t going to happen.
7: You Tell Yourself You Work Best Under Pressure
I used to see this a lot in college and then when I was a teacher.
An assignment would be made and there were always some who put it off until the very last minute while loudly proclaiming that they worked best when a deadline was imminent.
And who knows, maybe they did.
But let me ask you this: even if you DO work well under pressure, does that mean that you should?
I can’t even begin to count the number of times a student would tell me that they’d waited until the last possible minute to work on an assignment but then had something unavoidable happen. They got sick. There was a family emergency.
Something outside of their control interfered with their ability to do their best work at the last minute.
And I would always tell them that it’s smart to plan for the unexpected. Things do happen that we can’t control.
So I propose this as a solution if you really think you work best at the last minute: give yourself a deadline before the actual deadline and work really hard to meet your OWN deadline. That way if something comes up, you’re still done and don’t have to worry.
It’s helped me several times which is why I suggest it (because yes, I used to procrastinate).
8: You Think You Can Multitask
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you really can’t.
What most of us think is multitasking is actually task switching. Our brain is capable of moving between tasks, but there’s still some refocus time that occurs.
So while you may think that you can flip back and forth between two or three very important projects or tasks, you’re going to lose some focus and the result is likely not going to be as good as it could have been.
However, we CAN do two things at a time if one of those tasks is basically a rote, brainless activity that we do without any thought at all.
For example, I can fold towels without thinking about it (because I’ve folded like a million in my lifetime). I can empty trash and think about something else while I’m doing it.
The point is that most of us are able to do a couple of things at the same time as long as one of the activities doesn’t require any mental effort on our part.
So the next time you have several things to do, prioritize, and if you must multitask, make sure that one of the tasks is a brainless one.
9: You Come Up With Excuses Why Something Won’t Work
People who do this are so frustrating!
This is when someone complains about something and you offer a suggestion. They, in turn, respond with something like “that’s a good idea BUT…” then proceed to tell you why the suggestion won’t – or can’t – work for them.
At our house we call this “Why dontcha, but”
If you’re the one who is creating the excuses why something won’t work, it might be worthwhile to take a step back and ask yourself why you’re reluctant to accept suggestions.
Is it something you’ve tried before…in exactly the same way and situation?
Is it something that’s unfamiliar to you so you immediately discount it without further examination?
Or do you just like complaining and want an audience to listen to you?
I know, that sounds harsh. But there ARE people who just like to complain and if you’re dealing with one, you might as well tune them out and mentally move on. Engaging and offering input is a waste of time and it’s just a game they enjoy playing.
10: You Listen To The Negative Voices In Your Head
We’ve all got one…or several.
These are the remnants of all the criticisms or ugly things that have been said to us…by others, and by ourselves.
But these voices aren’t truthful. They’ve been exaggerated so that we think the absolute worst about ourselves and our abilities. They play upon emotions…and emotions can lie to us.
I advocate giving that voice a name (preferably someone you really wanted to be able to stand up to) and telling the voice to shut up.
Seriously, just because a voice whispers in your ear doesn’t mean that what it says is true or that you even need to pay attention to it.
Practice saying the words “shut up” until you’re comfortable telling that voice to do just that. And then go on about your business knowing that the negative voice can’t make you do anything you don’t let it.
It’s Possible To Eliminate Much Of The Self-Induced Frenzy
These are just some ideas but you’ll think of others that pertain to your particular circumstances and situation. Having some strategies when frenzy rears its ugly head is a huge ball of worry that’s lifted off your shoulders.
Instead of being the source of your own frenzy, it’s possible to become the source of your own calm.
So what steps can you take today to anticipate problems and stop being the source of your own frenzy?
More before you go…
I’m a retired educator, mom of three adult children, cancer warrior, sandwich generation member, and lover of life!
I help older women create & live a life they love through radical self acceptance, unapologetic goal pursuit, and relishing the joys of home.
Oatmeal Breakfast Cake