We’ve all heard the conventional wisdom that it takes twenty-one days to form a habit. But is that true? While it would be nice to think that if we could just power through three measly little weeks that we’d be set, that’s often not the case. So how long does it really take to form a habit?
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Bad Habits Are So Easy
I’m not sure why it is, but falling into bad habits feels as easy as breathing. I’d only eaten one order of chili cheese fries before I knew in my heart that I’d found something I could enjoy forever…and frequently, if I let myself.
Building good habits, on the other hand, that’s a whole different story. I don’t think I’ve ever formed a good habit that I didn’t struggle with. And some good habits I’ve had to struggle with even more than others.
Perhaps you can relate?
Most of us have been here at one point or another. We’ve had great intentions and somehow managed to hold on and grit our teeth for twenty-one days, then been disappointed on day twenty-two when that new habit…wasn’t a habit yet.
I know I’m not alone here.
And that caused us to wonder and doubt ourselves. Why wasn’t that new behavior automatic now? Why isn’t easy?
It’s supposed to be a habit by this point, right?
Some Habits Require More Time Than Others
When I actually stop to think about this statement, it makes sense to me.
After all, there are some things I’m more resistant to going in.
There are habits I know that I NEED to form…but that I really don’t want to if I’m honest with myself.
So while my superego is telling me that this new habit is good for me and that I need to buck it up and persist, my id is throwing a temper tantrum and screaming about how unfair it is.
- It’s unfair that I need to watch my blood sugar.
- It’s unfair that others can eat pasta and not gain weight
- It’s unfair that others actually LIKE to exercise
- It’s unfair that I can’t get by on 4 hours of sleep so that I can read books all night
So how long DOES it take to create a new habit?
As with most things, it depends.
Yes, I know. I hate that answer too.
The truth is that It depends on your mindset and it depends on how big of a change it is from what you are currently doing.
If it is your habit to eat a bowl of ice cream at night and you switch from regular ice cream to a low sugar frozen yogurt version, it’s probably not going to take you very long to make that new habit.
Giving up ice cream altogether though or cutting out all sugar on the other hand might take a lot longer.
And meanwhile your id is going to scream at you for a while.
So How Long Does It REALLY Take?
When we ask that question, what we really want to know is how long do we have to tough it out before it gets easier. Or put another way, we wonder how long we’re going to have to struggle and suffer until a new behavior becomes automatic.
Because, let’s face it, none of us wants to struggle any longer than we have to.
While it will vary from one person to the next – and even from one habit to the next – there are a few things to keep in mind.
First, It’s easier to create a new habit than to get rid of an old one.
Know going in that you’re going to have to work a lot harder to give up constantly checking or scrolling your phone every few minutes or snacking late at night.
Next, whenever possible, try to replace an old habit with a new one.
I’ll give you an example.
I used to have a serious addiction to my Sonic Coke Zero w/ vanilla.
I mean, I seriously LOVED that drink!
Now, chemo took care of that addiction because colas no longer taste right to me.
However, I discovered that Sonic lemonade is delicious…and I want one every time we pass a Sonic.
But when I really examine the situation, what I realized that what I love MOST is the ice.
Now, I love the lemonade too, but I’m trying to lower my blood sugar.
So I’ve been experimenting with simply getting a big cup of water and ice and having them add fresh lemon and lime slices to it. And so far, I’m pretty happy with this solution.
I still get the crunchy ice I like to chew on. I get something to drink. And I’m not getting all that sugar that I don’t need.
Now this has been a pretty easy substitution and I realize that not all are going to be as simple. But it illustrates the idea and I know you’re smart and can apply it to your own situations.
Habits will form faster if you can keep some part of a habit intact.
For example, if you can stick to the same time and environment each day as you replace an old habit with a good one, it will be easier.
An example of this might be that instead of reaching for a mid-day snack to perk you up, you might replace the snack with a short walk instead.
Or Instead of mindlessly scrolling your phone while you watch TV, you might take up needlepoint or some other hobby that keeps your hands busy.
My sister-in-law does this with her crochet and she makes the most beautiful things and has something tangible to show for her time.
Or you could turn the TV off and read a book or spend the time learning something new through podcasts, video, or some other form of self-study.
Use A Habit Tracker To Reinforce The Behavior
I’ve found that relying on my memory to do certain behaviors is a waste of time. My memory simply isn’t that reliable (unfortunately).
However, I’ve found that using a physical habit tracker helps considerably!
I use the one that is in the monthly tending list of my Power Sheets and I’ve also used some out of this tracker book I ordered from Amazon.
Remember Why You Want To Create The Habit
It also helps to have a constant reminder of why you’re trying to change your behavior.
Remind yourself every day that you’re exercising so your body stays strong and you can go play with the kids or grandkids in the yard.
Or that you’re trying to lower your blood sugar so that you can avoid other health problems.
You can also create a vision board with pictures that represent your ideal…what you’re trying to obtain
That may include photos of your dream house or of an active woman playing with children, or of places you’d like to visit.
Keep the reason why you’re making the changes at the front of your mind and then be prepared to stick it out until the new behavior becomes automatic.
Yes it will take some time to make new habits and replace old ones.
It won’t happen overnight.
It may not even happen in 21 days.
But if you stick with it,. It WILL happen.
And it will be well worth it in the end.
So is there a new habit you’d like to create or an old habit that you need to change? Let me know in the comments and let’s talk about it.
More before you go:
I’m a retired educator, mom of three adult children, cancer warrior, sandwich generation member, and lover of life!
I help older women create & live a life they love through radical self acceptance, unapologetic goal pursuit, and relishing the joys of home.
Age Is No Excuse – Set Those Goals Now!
Creating good habits can be so hard, but I love how you explained that it’s all about mindset and time. This is a great reminder to be patient with ourselves.
I think being patient with ourselves may be the hardest life lesson to learn – it was for me at least. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve finally learned to give myself grace that I never even considered in years past. It makes me sad that it took me so long and anything we can do to help others embrace it as soon as possible is something that’s important to me. Thanks for stopping by!