I don’t guess there’s a person around who doesn’t want to have a great relationship with their partner. Let’s face it, love makes the world go round. However, lasting relationships take work. And for that reason, here are some important reasons why you should continue to always date your spouse….no matter how long you’ve been together.
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Reminders are good
Every couple needs to remember why they got together in the first place. and a date with your spouse is a great way to do this. It’s too easy after some years go by to get into a rut. You’re used to each other now. You’ve seen each other at your worst. You’ve seen them sick, grumpy, and looking awful. Some days they don’t even resemble the person you used to get all dressed up for.
That’s exactly why a reminder is a good thing. Time and familiarity don’t have to make those special dates a mere memory. Make plans to do something special – or at least something that’s not the same old ordinary thing – and remind yourself what you saw in each other in the first place.
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It’s the two of you against the world
It’s easy to spend so much time focusing on other people that you end up taking your spouse for granted. After all, you figure they’re committed and will always be there so there’s no reason to worry about anything, right?
Unfortunately, it’s not that uncommon for couples to look at each other after they’ve raised their family and realize that somewhere along the way they lost what made their relationship special.
The reality is that kids leave home, friends move away, siblings have their own issues and lives, and parents die. Your spouse – hopefully – is with you till one of you dies after a long life. You want to be sure you still have a relationship once everyone else is out of the picture.
Because everyone changes
I’ve heard women say, “I know everything there is to know about that man. There are no surprises any more.”
I think that’s nonsense – and probably an excuse for not putting much effort into the relationship.
No matter how long you’ve been together your spouse is continually changing. He, like every other human being, is evolving, growing, and forming new interests, opinions, and tastes – just like you are. You need to KEEP getting to know this person instead of assuming he’s the same as he always was. If you don’t, you may look up one day and wonder, “Who IS this man?”
Dating your spouse is fun
It’s fun to go on a date. You remember how excited you were when you first started dating . Some of our parents made us wait till we hit a certain age before they’d let us go out. At my house the magic age was 16 and I thought I’d NEVER reach that milestone birthday. It also felt like everyone else – and I mean everyone! – was already going out on dates. But no, my mean parents were adamant.
So I anxiously waited for that 16th birthday and the dates that followed were likely even more special. You may have a similar story. Why would any of us want to stop doing something that was so exciting and memorable?
Why would any of us give up the fun of dating just because we’re married. Date your spouse!
It leads to even more fun
Hey, if this isn’t reason enough to convince you of the benefits of dating your spouse, I don’t know what is. They say that too much of a good thing isn’t good for you.
They’re wrong.
Most importantly
If you don’t, someone else just might.
So what’s your favorite date idea with your spouse? If you need a few ideas, be sure to check out these date night ideas from my friend Gina.
I’m a retired educator, mom of three adult children, cancer warrior, sandwich generation member, and lover of life!
I help older women create & live a life they love through radical self acceptance, unapologetic goal pursuit, and relishing the joys of home.
Gifts Your Husband Will Love
Great post Shelley (and obviously a lot of other people thought so too!) We’re coming up for 36 years marriage next month and he’s still my favourite person. The kids are important, but we’re such a small part of their world now that they have marriages of their own. I love that my husband and I are very different people but we’re still in love and we still like each other after all this time – vive la difference!
Congrats on 36 years! That’s quite an accomplishment.
I love my husband of 27 years. He’s my best friend and I love nothing more than a great date night…I just don’t want to have sex with him…signed Menopausal Molly!
Molly, I’m not quite sure how to respond to this. You’re already aware of the physiological changes that menopause brings that impact our libidos so there’s no need for me to discuss that. My second thought was that there are always two people in a relationship and as long as the changes or new “rules” are fine with both people then it’s no one else’s business. Hopefully your hubby is fine with the fact that you no longer want to have sex and he’s not disappointed at this turn in the relationship. My final thought was that sex, wine, and chocolate are the things that make life worth living and that each person has to decide for themselves what are the markers of a quality life. Hopefully those markers will be the same (or very similar) for each person in any marriage. Thoughts anyone?
We have a standing date night on Fridays. After cooking all week, I am ready for someone else to do the cooking and after working all week I am ready for a relaxing drink. We always go out to eat, often to a new restaurant that we’ve not tried before. And then once in a while, we will go dancing afterwards. THATS our special date. Dancing. One of the first times we met (not the actual first meeting but the first time we met and started paying some attention to each other) was the last night at a work conference and there was a dance after dinner. Neither of us had danced as youngsters, but we did that night and discovered that we liked it! We’ve been dancing ever since. Even took some lessons.
Great advice Shelley.
🙂 gwingal
Sounds awesome! Every couple needs something that is “theirs” and is a celebration of their relationship.
Great post girl, and so true!! (Commenting as someone who has been married nearly 29 years).
Thanks, Cat! I think continual dating is the key to a long and happy marriage. Thanks for stopping by.
It’s 45 years this month and we still date — falling in love more every year. We also work together 24/7 and aren’t sick of each other LOL
Aww…I love hearing stories like this! Many more happy years to you both.
While I’m a widow, I now have a boyfriend. It’s different the second time around. I feel like we appreciate each other’s company and companionship more because we don’t see each other all the time. We set aside special days to be together and it’s always like a date night.
Hi Judy! I so appreciate you sharing your perspective. I approached the post totally from my own and it’s nice to get a glimpse into other situations. I’m so glad you and your new fellow are enjoying every day – we can all learn from that.
My super hubby (married 32 years) works away a lot. Usually a day or two drive away. One of the things we do is when his contract is up, I fly out to meet him and then drive back home with him. It gives us a chance to reconnect with out the pressure of the realities of home as well we also experience some nice new memories together.
Hi Diana! I love y’all’s idea – what an awesome way to spend some time together in a different setting. Sounds like a mini-honeymoon every time. I hope you’ll come visit again soon.
Love this post!
Been with Mr Shoes for nearly 29 years, married 27, faith we will make it to our 60th Anniversary.
I hope you get a humongous party for that 60th anniversary!
Good points after so many years of focusing on the kids.
I know lots of folks dread the empty nest but not me! It’s so much nicer for my marriage now that the kids aren’t under foot. I love ’em but they are inconvenient sometimes LOL!
Yes! So often the busyness of life gets in the way of nurturing our relationships.
It definitely does! Sometimes by the time you’ve done everything else on the list, hubby is what gets put at the bottom of the list.
A great reminder. My husband and I have married twenty-five years and we love spending time together. Our kids are grown and gone, but now we have my mother with Alzheimer’s and that makes date night a lot harder to come by.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom, Rena. Being caretaker to an older parent is a tough job! Hopefully you have someone who can relieve you while you spend time with your honey. Jungle Jim and I hit 32 this year and we still enjoy spending time together.
We did this fun thing where I asked John on a date and we had to pretend we were not married. We could not talk about our kids. We had to start from scratch. There was much laughter that night because I failed to get a dinner reservation so we ended up at a diner with no alcohol, the movie was great and I asked him to come in afterwards. LOL
LOL, that’s a great story. But dinner and no alcohol…say it ain’t so!
Love this. I find going to a fun restaurant and even wearing a pretty dress and (God forbid) pantyhose makes me feel all womanly again. I think that can only help in a long marriage. Good advice!
I put on a dress and do the makeup when I go on a date with Jungle Jim. He says it’s not a big deal, but it is to me. For one thing, it makes me feel better and more attractive. But most importantly, why wouldn’t I want to make the effort to look as nice as possible for him? I figure the poor guy is entitled to see me “done up” every now and then lest he forget LOL!
This is such an important reminder. It is so easy to get caught up in life and get sucked into a routine, and forget to be spontaneous and just love your spouse!
That day-to-day stuff sure has a way of sneaking up and being a time suck, doesn’t it? And to think we were all in such a hurry to grow up. I decided to heck with waiting for spontaneity years ago – we now plan to do have a date each week. It’s too easy to let other things get in the way otherwise. Thanks for stopping by.
After decades of marriage, if we don’t/won’t keep dating then what’s it all about?
I think you’ve summed it up perfectly!
THis post is perfection. Such an important lesson that we so often forget. We have a date night planned this weekend and I can’t wait!
Thanks Deborah – I appreciate the kind words. Those dates are often the highlight of my week too! Please come back soon and visit.
I love everything about this post. My husband and I have become particularly close over the past 15 months. Sadly, we lost our daughter, but this fuelled the realization that we really only have one another (and only WANT one another) to count on for support, comfort and love.
Tamara, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter! I cannot imagine what that is like. My grandmother lost her only son in a car accident 2 weeks after he graduated from high school back in the late 1950s. I never knew my uncle but I do remember my grandmother talking about the loss and how she and my grandfather coped. My sincerest condolences – words feel so useless – but I’m glad to hear that you and your husband have had each other for support.
My husband and I are both retired, now. We have a date every week. We alternate weeks regarding who will plan and pay for the date. It’s so much fun. I like the challenge of finding interesting places to go, searching out special events in our community, or finding new and delicious restaurants. Also — because we are both retired, we often attend afternoon movies and have leisurely lunches in restaurants (rather than dinners). This way, it’s cheaper and we avoid crowds and waiting in lines.
Oh, I like that idea of swapping who plans and pays! What a great idea and way to make it still a surprise. I think I need to steal that idea.
My boyfriend and I moved in a few months ago and it was amazing how quickly we started getting into the day to day of life instead spending time with each other! We’ve been making it a point to do the things that we used to do: spending time together, talking and enjoying “us.”
It’s amazing how fast that happens, isn’t it? My grandfather used to laugh because he’d watch this particular couple at church and before they were married there was no space between them on the pew. Then within just a few months after they married they had space between them like every other couple. He wasn’t being rude, just observing that things change without our conscious realization. I think awareness and being intentional is the first step. Enjoy your time with that man!
Yes, yes, yes! We try to have date night every Thursday. Sometimes it is just a quiet dinner, but always worth the time investment.
Jungle Jim and I are big movie buffs and most weeks we see one. But we also make it a point to turn everything off at the end of the day an we curl up on the couch and watch “movies” and have popcorn at home too when we aren’t able to get out of town. Several years ago when I started using PRIME in my day planner to keep me balanced, I made it a goal to make sure that he and I did something together each week that was just for fun. Best resolution I ever made.